no sense

words that seem right. words that felt right but saying it now is not right for me, doesnt feel right me saying it to him. heart broken. fake smile. good advice. trying to be a good friend when the whole world said it was crazy to be friends with him.

"im happy for you" sounds so bitter to me, now. words that doesnt sound right to me anymore. "smiling while your heart is aching" is getting old. "dont be afraid to get hurt, its a part of it" wasnt so much of a good advice for me to him. the great pretender.

i could give advices that are good for him, but not for me. it hurts. i ended the blue morning with a hug, and a long look in his eyes trying to figure out when i can have him again. i need to separate his friend and his admirer in me. i heard my heart shatter to pieces, i felt it crack. i felt very human. and it felt wrong, this was new to me.

i miss you.

kotse

mga pormadong kotse na may kanya kanyang special features mula sa kaha, sa gulong, sa interior at sa kung hanggang saan pwedeng ito itakbo. ang daming kotse na pwede ko sakyan pero pinapapili lang ako ng isa...hindi ba pwedeng isa per day ang kotse ko? para hindi ako magiisip pag color coding. hindi ba pwedeng dalawa para salit salit. gulo ng isipan hindi maunawaan...sabay sabay ko kasi sila tinitignan. anong kotse nga ba ang mas matimbang? anong kotse ba ang mas ok sa safety features? para pag nabangga onting untog lang buhay pa. anong kotse ba yung makakasabay sa bilis na gusto ko? one of a kind ang mga kotseng ganun, mahal kung nagkataon. anong kotse ang pwede ko itago at imaintain hanggang pag tanda ko?

parang nasa car show ang puso ko ngayon. makikita mo ang family car, ang sedan na pang dalawahan lang, ang pick up para sa maramihan, ang van para sa biyahe, ang naka set up ng magandang sounds na kotse, at madami pang ibang kotse na umaaligid.

anong kotse sasakyan ko...eh teka marunong na ba ako magdrive?