patak

tumutulo ang tubig sa gripo at di ko mapigilan. wala akong ibang magawa kundi saluhin.

patak. patak. nakikita ko ang sarili sa na namumuong tubig. patak. mawawala ang imahe ko. hindi ako makatulog sa katahimikan ng gabi. rinig na rinig mong pumapatak. patak. pero sa paulit ulit para na siyang lullaby na nilalambing ako patulog. patak. nagising sa gitna ng gabi iniisip bakit ako nagigising sayo. isang hugis, walang kulay, boring mong tunog. patak patak.

nagkwento ka ng nararamdaman mo. wala akong ibang magawa kundi makinig. patak. minsan nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa kinalalagyan mo. pero nawawala yun kung paano mo harapin ang problema mo. patak. patak. hindi ako makatulog iniisip kung ok ka lang. ramdam kong nahihirapan ka. patak. kung umiiyak ka man makakatulog ka kasi mapapagod ka. patak. biglang magigising ako mapapaginipan kita, bakit lagi kitang iniisip? patak. ikaw na dati ko ng alam na boring kausap. patak. nakakaiyak andito nanaman tayo sa senaryong ito. patak patak.

no sense

words that seem right. words that felt right but saying it now is not right for me, doesnt feel right me saying it to him. heart broken. fake smile. good advice. trying to be a good friend when the whole world said it was crazy to be friends with him.

"im happy for you" sounds so bitter to me, now. words that doesnt sound right to me anymore. "smiling while your heart is aching" is getting old. "dont be afraid to get hurt, its a part of it" wasnt so much of a good advice for me to him. the great pretender.

i could give advices that are good for him, but not for me. it hurts. i ended the blue morning with a hug, and a long look in his eyes trying to figure out when i can have him again. i need to separate his friend and his admirer in me. i heard my heart shatter to pieces, i felt it crack. i felt very human. and it felt wrong, this was new to me.

i miss you.

Eto nanaman tayo

isang malaki at mabigat na tanong, bigla akong napaupo at napaisip.

handa na ba ko ulit? kayanin ko ba ang hamon ito na isa ring pangako?

minsan ng napasakin ang isang tulad mo, ngayon at nagbabalik...mahirap magsabi ng oo.

nanahimik ako ng ilang sandali, at nag bitaw ng ilang salita pero parang wala kang narinig.

eto nanaman tayo.

hindi ko alam kung ikaw ang naririnig ko o ang bibig mo lamang.

hindi ko alam kung bumaba ba ang kisame o bumigat yung pakiramdam sa kwarto.

gusto ko sana lumabas ng kwarto pero walang pintuan.

wala akong ibang choice kung hindi pakinggan ang gusto mong sabihin at gusto mong malaman ko.

dada ka ng dada may nakikinig ba? naririnig ko ba? nasasabi mo ba ang gusto mong iparating?

hirap akong humindi pero eto na ata ang unang pagkakataon

magdidive ba ako sa pool na may sign na 2ft? kakagat ba ako sa sandwich na alam kong puro gulay ang laman? manunuod ba ako ng 12pm sa abs kung alam kong mabwibwiset nanaman ako kay willie?

HINDI. AYAW KO. WAG NA

matuto na tayo sa nangyari dati, wag ng hayaan maulit pa.

harapin ang problema, wag taguan wag layuan.

When you’re in a shit hole

Have you ever experienced sitting in class and being quiet? When in reality you’re not that type of person. You’re not quiet, you’re usually the one making noise. The one that the teacher hushes during classes. Well it happened to me. That’s when I started thinking…

You get into high school or college and you find your “comfort zone” among the many faces in the crowd. But you have to be careful for those faces can turn to evil glares when you turn your back. Sometimes this jolly person you see, is the number back stabber you’ll ever meet. The person in the group who hangs on to anyone just to stay in the group wouldn’t be there for too long. The bossy will always be shut out. But those who learn to keep things to themselves and does not mind who they are with, will stay. Not necessarily the same crowd but they will stay. It’s hard to find strong friends, strong enough to take in the foul stench of your being.

I’m barely close with anybody because I don’t think I don’t have to be close with everybody. I’m a person hard to understand. That’s why only a few really know me. I’m not complaining, I’m informing. I always loved small circle of friends, it was always better that way. But my perky stature in the society draws in friends, and I can’t help but talk to them. Sometimes you need a breather from the same crowd, you want and find something new. I think this time, ill be thinking about myself. Putting me at the top of my priority list. I’ll think of pleasing myself and making me happy. I always cared for others, and I know I did my part already. Change is a very strong word, and if I do change for this, as long as I’m happy, I won’t change back. I can’t take back what has been lost, I can’t take back what has happened. I’ll just keep moving forward, and whoever stays with me in my journey of life, well I’m thankful and blessed to have you aboard.

Everybody has their shitty days.

dala ng kalituhan

alam mo ba yung tumblr? hindi ko siya maintindihan.

tinitignan ko kung para saan ang mga pindutan don, anong ginagawa nun? tsh

nagtataka ako kung pano ko na "like this" ang reblog ni reyvan

nagulat ako na post na pala ang pic ko, kala ko naguupload ako ng profile pic eh

naguguluhan ako sa bagay bagay, sa mga kaganapan.

so habang nakatulala at pinaglalaruan ang labi ko sa harap screen ng laptop ko...

iniisip ko kung ano ang tumblr, pero higit sa lahat bakita ako nandito?

bago ko ipress yung pindutan na magsasign-in sakin sa tumblr

sabi ko di ko iiwan ang blogger ko "he's my first" (ayyy)

he knows the aggressive side of me, the positions im in, he has that perfect view of me.

(landeh) yes, i love him. he's been in me...he knows the inside of me. (lustful much)

mahirap mangiwan, pero higit sa lahat mahirap maiwanan

si tumblr. pinasok ko ang mundo niya, hindi niya ako pinapapasok. he leaves me full of questions, uncertainties and clueless. im trying to reach out, pero hindi eh. tinatanong ko nga ang followers niya kung pano siya maintindihan pero walang makasagot sakin kung pano.

tumblr. A world im in, but i dont understand why im here.

parang sa puso niya...(sino yung "niya")

***

Be strong for it. Love is not for the weak heart

dala ito ng kagustuhan kong magsulat, at kalituhan sa mga bagay sa tumblr

sa kagustuhan kong ika'y maging akin, kalituhan kung anong rason

(waaah)