I miss you

isa pang 3-words na mabigat sakin ay ang I MISS YOU. i could tell this to anyone anytime, but i could let someone feel this rarely. Iba ako makamiss, i make time to let you know i really missed you. you dont have to miss me back, you just have to be there too.

macho kung macho pero pag dating sa mga close friends ko dun ako mas vulnerable. they are the ones who can really break my heart and have me crying for days. mga boyfriend? pfft no need for tears, they come to your life and they can leave. but friends? they come and stay.

"its one thing to appreciate, to care and to love but to be appreciated, to be cared for and to be loved is another"

patak

tumutulo ang tubig sa gripo at di ko mapigilan. wala akong ibang magawa kundi saluhin.

patak. patak. nakikita ko ang sarili sa na namumuong tubig. patak. mawawala ang imahe ko. hindi ako makatulog sa katahimikan ng gabi. rinig na rinig mong pumapatak. patak. pero sa paulit ulit para na siyang lullaby na nilalambing ako patulog. patak. nagising sa gitna ng gabi iniisip bakit ako nagigising sayo. isang hugis, walang kulay, boring mong tunog. patak patak.

nagkwento ka ng nararamdaman mo. wala akong ibang magawa kundi makinig. patak. minsan nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa kinalalagyan mo. pero nawawala yun kung paano mo harapin ang problema mo. patak. patak. hindi ako makatulog iniisip kung ok ka lang. ramdam kong nahihirapan ka. patak. kung umiiyak ka man makakatulog ka kasi mapapagod ka. patak. biglang magigising ako mapapaginipan kita, bakit lagi kitang iniisip? patak. ikaw na dati ko ng alam na boring kausap. patak. nakakaiyak andito nanaman tayo sa senaryong ito. patak patak.

no sense

words that seem right. words that felt right but saying it now is not right for me, doesnt feel right me saying it to him. heart broken. fake smile. good advice. trying to be a good friend when the whole world said it was crazy to be friends with him.

"im happy for you" sounds so bitter to me, now. words that doesnt sound right to me anymore. "smiling while your heart is aching" is getting old. "dont be afraid to get hurt, its a part of it" wasnt so much of a good advice for me to him. the great pretender.

i could give advices that are good for him, but not for me. it hurts. i ended the blue morning with a hug, and a long look in his eyes trying to figure out when i can have him again. i need to separate his friend and his admirer in me. i heard my heart shatter to pieces, i felt it crack. i felt very human. and it felt wrong, this was new to me.

i miss you.

kasama si ex sa panaginip

madilim, maluwag parang infinite space pero room. ang nakita ko lang dalawang upuan, sa gitna ng mga ito isang projector na nakapatong sa table...dahan dahan kong naramdaman na may umakbay sakin hanggan maka upo. hindi ko siya tinignan kasi napupuzzle ako sa nakikita ko, anong meron? medyo masama kutob ko eh.

umupo kaming dalawa. sabay nagsimula ang palabas. ako at siya from 3 years ago

mga panahon ng habulan, at taya tayaan. magaaway, may hahabol. tapos ikaw naman taya ako naman hahabol. hanggang sa naramdaman ng isa nahihirapan na siya huminga. time out muna, pero sa larong 'to walang time out. kasali ka ba o hindi? will you stay or will you leave?

tuloy tuloy pa rin ang palabas. mas bumabaon ang sakit.

reliving the 1st heart break, reliving the pain. but what made me burst into tears is when i saw what he saw. what he saw when he fell in love, what he saw when he fell out of love. what he saw when he wanted me back, what he saw when he said maybe i'll just come back because i chose to be with someone else who was never mine. he was crying and i didnt do anything.

i couldn't watch anymore, but i could still hear it. i didnt want to see any more, i looked at him and he was holding back his tears.

i was mean. i was unfair. i was irrational. ungrateful. i used and abused him when he was trying to get me back. just to get my revenge. i broke his heart because he broke mine. im wrong. im sorry

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Aldrich...my botot, im sorry.

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i woke up and cried.

when i checked my phone "1 message received: Aldrich"