I was sitting in the café, thinking very deeply what to say. And finally when I was composing the speech, the novela building up in my mind, he steps in the room and sits in front of me…
A simple exchange of greeting, an offer for a cup of coffee.
He smiles, holds my hand. I just couldn’t take any more of his sweetness
He’s just too perfect…but…
I slowly drew back my hand to myself and words were just fleeting out of my mouth. One by one
“I know you like me, but you don’t want me…”
he sat back and laid himself cozily on the chair. He knew this was going to be a speech. I continued…
“I’m not asking for any label to be put on us, but I have to put an end to the joy and misery when I’m with you. I make you happy, I know. I also know its not enough. I’m not what you’re looking for everyday, and I don’t think I have to be.”
His mind looks so puzzled, I began to be puzzled too..
“I love you (words were literally flying off) and I don’t know if that’s the way you feel.”
He was about to utter something, but I stopped him. I just had to finish this monologue
“Every time I see you online, when you send me a text message. Especially when its unexpected. Because shamefully I wait for your text. When you comment on my posts. When I see you across the street, when your far and you see me, you smile…its just as if my knees want to beg down the floor and ask you to come to me…I get weak. I just cant help it. my heart throttles…then I snap back to reality. You were never mine, you were yourselfs. you don’t need me, anyone could be in my place...my role in your life is easy…to make you smile everyday. To reassure you that you have me. Anybody would want to be in my place, I can be replaced easily.”
he leans forward, looks at me intently and says, “what’s your point?”
I asked myself what is my point? What is MY POINT…
“My point is…I want to break up with you, before you break up with me”
and to top this dramatic scene, a walk out. I stood up, walked right out of the door and continued to walk…and walk and then I said to myself. “what the f*ck was I doing?”
I was walking and walking. A headache was coming up, such a drama queen I am…then I heard a voice calling out to me…I didn’t turn my back.. I had to be firm with my walk out and I didn’t want to make this any cheesier…he grabbed my hand and said
“you did not pay your bill”
I was in RAGE…I was digging through my bag. Looking for my wallet. I was crying already. If there was such thing as tears falling like its raining cats and dogs. I think I was. I was so pissed he followed me for that? Argh.. I found my wallet, I opened it was taking out the money … then he hugged me.
He whispered “You always knew what to say. Thank you, I love you too. Good bye for now” a smile, wiped my tears he continued “you’re strong, one thing I loved about you” a smirk on his face…then he left
What a scene, what drama this was. There was still a happy ending.
Till we meet again, good sir
Lakad ka ng lakad paikot ikot sa walang hanggan
Isip ka ng isip walang pasikotsikot nablablanko ka na
Hawak sariling mga kamay, palibhasa’y wala kang kasama
Titigil, tutulala kasi di mo masabi kung san ka nila pupuntahan
“Hindi nila maintindihan, kasi hindi nila alam”
parang sirang plakang paulit ulit na tumatakbo sa iyong isipan
Uupo sa tuwing nakaramdam ng sakit, nanghihina ka na
Lalabanan, tatayo muli at maglalakad…mahuhulog sa sahig
Isa isa ng papatak ang mga problema sa mata, ang mga luha
Dalawang palad na magtatakip sa iyong kahihiyan
Nakatungo ang ulo, bakas ang kahihiyan.
Makakatulog sa iyak, magigising…
mag-isa…habang yakapyakap ka ng problema.
