asado siopao

sana nahahawakan ang luha para mas kaya kong kontrolin
kung kelan ko hahayaan pumatak sa sahig, kung kelan ko dapat itago muna
pero may rason kung bakit hindi mo buong buo macontrol ang pagpatak ng luha sa mga mata
kasi hindi mo madadaya na mapakita kung kelan tuwang tuwa ka na at kelan nalulungkot ka na talaga.

isang araw bago ang gabi para sa mga aalis....
Nicolai: ehhhh ayoko na, naiiyak na ako. iyakin pa naman ako
Lester: anong iyakin? HINDI NGA EH. diba hindi ka umiiyak pag kakabreak lang
Nicolai: hindi naman kasi kaiyakiyak yun, feeling ko manhid tlga ako sa mga bagay na ganun. eh eto mga ganito naiiyak ako...

umupo ako sa nagiisang upuan sa stage, kinuha ang mic pero bago ako magsimula magsalita tinignan ko sila...tinignan ko yung mga mukhang nagpasaya sakin, nagpahirap sa buhay ko, mga mukhang gusto ko lagi kong nakikitang nakangiti...hmmmm hinga malalim. patago kong kinagat ko yung dila ko..

hindi ko alam sasabihin ko sakanila, kasi ayoko pa umalis. ayokong isipin nila na iiwan ko sila. kung wala lang expiration date ang pagstay edi kasama ko pa rin sila. bakit kasi nauna ako ng isang batch. bakit ang bigat bigat sa loob, kakaiba tong upuan toh mapapaupo ka talaga, itong mic naman para mapalakas ang boses kasi wala ka tlga masasabi...anak ng puta oh.

"hi guys, are you still awake. hello hello" ang energetic na ako ang nagsalita. tangina naman eh ang hirap ilabas ng nararamdaman ko...ang hirap. buti na lang may speech ako na prepare kahit papano sa mga medyo naging close ko, kasi kung wala malamang umiiyak na lang ako sa stage...
matapos ko bigyan ng speech yung 15+ na yun...natira na lang ang 3 taong pinaka malapit sa puso ko sa varsi, sa photogs section....si josa, si lester at si paul...

dun ko lang naramdaman na posible pala bumigat ang labi. pano pa kaya si angelina jolie na may malaking labi? (sumisigaw ng mommy!!! ang puso ko) hinayaan ko na, buhos na gripo na kung gripo.

hindi naman kasi bawal umiyak. wala naman nagsabi na wag ako umiyak.

josa, beb. naging close tayo dahil we HAD something in common. you're one tough beautiful girl, soon to be a lady. ngayon na mag-18 ka na be responsible of your actions. kung pwede lang wag ka muna magkaboyfriend tapusin mo muna pag-aaral mo. hindi ko akalain magiging close tayo dahil sa kung ano nangyari before, kilala na nga natin ang isat isa, nagkatinginan na tayo pero hindi pa ikaw si beb nun. you'll be happy even without a guy, college is the time for friends and to build who you are. ibibigay ang puso sa taong mahal mo, alagaan mo toh. kasi you're heart is one treasure, you deserve someone who will love you and make you feel proud to be you.
beautiful and talented, beb you are blessed with these two things. I love you so much, ill miss you. kwekwentuhan pa rin kita tungkol sa mga dumadating at pumapapel na lalaki sa buhay ko...hayaan mo kong takbuhan kita ha? onti lang kasi kayong tinatakbuhan ko eh. (yakaaap)

DYI!!! ang nagiisa at natitira kong kabatch. kahit ang bagal bagal mo kumain, kahit puro sorry ang naririnig ko pag may nakakalimutan ka, kahit ang bi mo sakin sa pag yosi (joke lang) tinitiis kita kasi ikaw si DYI eh :) sabi mo nung gabing naginuman tayo sa caylabne mahal mo ko mahal mo ko dyi soooper love din kita...imagine isang text mo lang na bitch yung taga science nung pautakan nagcut ako para syo ayokong binubully at binibitch kayo...mamimiss ko yun. tayo na lang ang magkabatch, mawawala pa ako. sorry....hindi naman kita iiwan eh, aalis lang ako ng V pero babalik pa rin ako sainyo. tayong tatlo pa rin ang magkabatch matibay na bond yun. dyi? wag ka iiyak...Thank you kasi ikaw ang naging kabatch ko, thankful kasi 3 lang tayo. sorry ulit. uulitin ko mahal kita. ill miss you my dear batchmate.

Paul, you suck talaga as my editor. and yes you said it you are not a good leader because you're one selfish person. hindi naman kelangan ikaw lahat magcover eh, pwede ishare. gumawa ka ng systema mo, you bring others up as you become great because thats the only way to be greater. Alam mo ba na you're one of the grave reasons why i wanted to leave varsi? me being there and you staying there is making me feel hate more which means more stress for me. my last year in varsi sucked big time because of you...you made my last year not enjoyable...wag ka magalala di na kita mumurahin. hindi ko kaya. i said you're one of the reasons why i wanted to quit, but also one of the reasons why i stayed. magpapatalo ba ako sa isang tulad mo? syempre hindi. you're one of my closest friend. in fact you're the one who got me here. kahit gago ka, kahit user kang friend, kahit nagaway tayo, kahit nagkaissue...i look beyond that coz you are my friend. mamaw? Thank you for making me be a part of this family. thank you for making me feel sucky because it made me strive better. i hate you, but i also love you mamaw. ill always be your friend, ill always be here when you need me.


....magang maga ang mata ko...pulang pula mukha ko .... asado siopao anyone?

bakit ka ganyan?

pag napangiti mo ko, iba na toh. ipipikit ang mata at dadalin ang sarili sa mundo ng imahinasyon. iisipin kung paano aasta pag nakasama muli kita, sasabayan mabilis man o mabagal ang takbo mo. mas mahirap ka sabayan mas ginigusto ko. sumakit man o magkasakit, basta andiyan ka solve ako. pipilitin ko pang mapansin mo ang maliliit na galaw na gagawin ko. pagdating talaga sayo iba ang amats ko.

nalalabas ko ang aking pagkatao, ang kulit, ang madrama, ang gustong sabihin, kung ano ang nasa loob ng puso. madaling araw, gabi, hapon pwedeng pwede ka. ikaw ang numero unong yayakap sakin at magpapaalam na ok lang kung ano ang nararamdaman. napapagaan mo ang bigat na buhat buhat ko.

lumiliyab ang puso sa tuwing kasama. di mapinta ang ngiti ang kilig sa aking mukha.
bakit ka ganyan? marinig lang kita titigil na mundo ko at mapapatingin sayo.
sana hanggat sa pagtanda ko andiyan ka pa rin.

kumpleto ang cast

Dumating ako sa eksena, sinalubong ako ng dalawa pang baguhang fan at kwinento na nawala ang idol namin sa fighting scene. akala ng lahat tapos na ang palabas pero hindi pa!! bumalik siya matapos ang 7minuto. ANG GALING! umabot pa ako. Laban idol laban! lahat kami naghihiyawan lahat kaming umaasa sa fighting scene na ito. nakakakaba, ang bigat totoong totoo ang lahat.
Idol, kaya mo yan! tapos bigla akong tinulak ako papasok ng isa pang fan, kinuha ko na ang pagkakataon na ito. lumapit ako kay idol. pinaalam ko na andito kami, ako ang magbabantay sa iba, at chineer ko pa siya ng kaya mo yan!! matapos ang ilang minuto dinala ang idol ko sa arena kung saan last level na. pagkatapos harapin ang higanteng ito. TAGUMPAY!

isa-isa ng kumpleto ang cast.

ngunit nasugatan at nanghina ang idol ko....OH NO!!! pero GO GO GO!! sabi ng assistant director..."it doesnt look good, we have to prepare for the worst" ano? ano? baguhin mo ayusin mo! Go! biglang sumigaw ang direktor "we're not calling it quits yet" OF COURSE NOT. sumigaw ulit ang direktor "he might not make it" ano ba? direktor ka diba? anong might? loko ka ah! IDOL GALINGAN MO.

katahimikan.

WOOOH!! nakabalik pa si idol sa kwarto. Ang galing ang galing. panalo talaga tong idol ko. mga direktor na toh hindi ko kamalaman kung anong gustong ipasabi ang galing mangbitin ng kwento!! go idol! you are soooo good!

kumpleto na ang cast.

0 ... 60 ... lumalaban ... ano toh points? ... 0 ...14 ... 0 ... 72 ... 0 ... 0 ... 0 ...
HOY IDOL!!!! diba may isasign ka pang contrata?
0 ... 0 ... hihingi tayo ng extension sa manager mo 0 ... 0 ...

sumara ang kurtina. DI PA TAPOS ANG PALABAS. 1. 2.. 3.. clear. anong nangyayari sa loob??? buksan niyo!!
ang pangit ng background music. ano yung linya na yun? sira ata yung screen!!

idol? idol?

binuksan muli ang kurtina...IDOL...idol...hindi ka man lang ngumiti sa huling pagkakataon. hindi man lang kita nahawakan.
kagabi lang binabantayan kita ah? kaya mo pa eh! malakas ka pa. kaya nga kita idol diba? ano ba. idilat mo mata mo!! bakit ka nagtatago sa ilalim ng kumot? wag kang kabahan. bakit ang lamig lamig mo? yakap na kita ah. IDOL IDOL.

nagroll na ang credits. tapos na ang palabas. 1:14pm nagend ang show.

kumpleto na ang cast, magkakasama kaming lahat. bibigat lang siguro ang pakiramdam ni idol kung makita niyang malungkot kami. Magpakasaya ka na Idol, aalagaan ko ang fans club mo at ang mga cast. sabihin mo kay manager ang galing niya at inalagaan ka niyang mabuti. kami naman ang panuorin mo idol, mas maganda ang view mo ngayon. kahit na tapos na ang contrata mo, ikaw pa rin ang bida. I love you, i miss you so much.

umulan.
----
Papa, hindi mo kami iniwan. i know. you're just around here somewhere. to be fair, like you did for us. we'll be strong and we'll keep each other. I love you, you know that. be happy. wherever you are eat the yummiest foods ever, play the golf in the wonderful clean green grass. You had a good run, you were a matinee idol. you were a star, you were home box whatever that is. You are my idol.

-no.1 apo.

When you’re in a shit hole

Have you ever experienced sitting in class and being quiet? When in reality you’re not that type of person. You’re not quiet, you’re usually the one making noise. The one that the teacher hushes during classes. Well it happened to me. That’s when I started thinking…

You get into high school or college and you find your “comfort zone” among the many faces in the crowd. But you have to be careful for those faces can turn to evil glares when you turn your back. Sometimes this jolly person you see, is the number back stabber you’ll ever meet. The person in the group who hangs on to anyone just to stay in the group wouldn’t be there for too long. The bossy will always be shut out. But those who learn to keep things to themselves and does not mind who they are with, will stay. Not necessarily the same crowd but they will stay. It’s hard to find strong friends, strong enough to take in the foul stench of your being.

I’m barely close with anybody because I don’t think I don’t have to be close with everybody. I’m a person hard to understand. That’s why only a few really know me. I’m not complaining, I’m informing. I always loved small circle of friends, it was always better that way. But my perky stature in the society draws in friends, and I can’t help but talk to them. Sometimes you need a breather from the same crowd, you want and find something new. I think this time, ill be thinking about myself. Putting me at the top of my priority list. I’ll think of pleasing myself and making me happy. I always cared for others, and I know I did my part already. Change is a very strong word, and if I do change for this, as long as I’m happy, I won’t change back. I can’t take back what has been lost, I can’t take back what has happened. I’ll just keep moving forward, and whoever stays with me in my journey of life, well I’m thankful and blessed to have you aboard.

Everybody has their shitty days.

me to you

:)

when tears fall down your eyes, i sit down beside you, i relax and let you finish crying. 

i relax because i want to show you everything will be fine, nothing to worry about really but i dont want to speak of it because i know you're not ok, so i let you finish crying.

i wont ask you why? who? or what? ill let you work on it alone. i dont want you to be dependent on me, or anybody. because at the end of the day, its you and the world. if you need me, i know you'll talk, you know im always here.

...

dont hide from me, you dont have to. if you intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, its fine. just tell me. id rather hear it from you than anybody else. what is there to hide? say sorry and ill forgive you. understand me though, it will take time for me to forget. dont be ashamed, afraid or hesitant. sit me down, and tell me the truth. id rather know even if it means me getting hurt. lets unload that guilt of yours, and help me mend the pain. we'll get through this.

...

we're not in preschool anymore. even if you hurt me, ill be your friend. 

through the pain, we gain. let the tears fall, shout the pain out. 

im here. 

just a word from you, and ill kill all the monsters under your bed.

i love you. take care.

My Spot

My wednesday loves. Margo, Pot and Brezh. (crush, love, and babyloves)

...insert bambam, bitats, bebay, ging (pam, karla, ayie and christine)  

Your presence never fails to make me smile, 

to spend a day or more with you makes me feel happy inside. 

You guys are my spot. 

one of my happy place. 

ILYSM (eng) YN (tag)

Thank you