back when i was in highschool, my love for the Lord was so errrr gigil that i asked and asked. so i did good works, participated in activities brought people to join me and "worship"...things that made me feel gigil about Him, but really pointed to no direction. it was simply giving the Lord an empty hug.
asking for what you need IS NOT BAD!! it is what you need, and that is fine. asking and asking and you will get another question...do you need it? and so we put tall wall defenses and explain how this want has become a need...but you know its sugar coating.
hmmmmm this time around, as i have been becoming closer to my awesome God. instead of asking, i give it to Him.
"Lord i lift up my need of ...."
i can always ask him, for he says "ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open for you" but He knows my needs, and im secured it'll be provided.
I prayed for something. for someone. and He gave it to me :) I did not deserve it...because im a sinner. but He gave him to me.
when you sin and you proudly say i dont regret it...the Lord finds its way to break you down on the floor! and its what happened.
i want it to be right. so i layed down my cards just to start it right...but i wasnt forgiven for this. and im taking the silent treatment...this is my consequence. i deserve an even graver consequence than this...ill take it. silence means becoming sensitive to what others have to say.
ill take it, all of it! not because i want to be forgiven, or that i deserve this but because i want to make it right.
not because no one sees it doesnt mean no one will know.
