Tapusin mo saka-NIYA

natutuwa sa bawat ngiti
Madaling mahawa sa halakhak
simpleng tingin, parang kinikiliti ang puso
pag nang ako’y hila, bumibigay ang tuhod

Bawat apak sumusunod ang mata
Bawat patak nakikinig ang puso
Tugtog ng aking buhay, sinasayawan
Onting maiaalay, pinakikiramdaman

umikot ikot ang tanong sa ulo
ang hirap iabot ang oo na inaabangan
parang highschool ang utak
nagtatantrums, pumapadyak pa mga paa

ganito talaga ang araw-araw
gusto o ayaw lang ang desisyon
nakakabugnot pero alam kong nasisiyahan na ako ang kasama
nakakaloko pero ang lahat ng pagtitiis ko para sa ka….
_________________________________________
dugtungan mo ang lahat ng sinabi ko
tapusin natin ang kwentong ito
magbabago ang storya ng sinulat ko
pag tinapos mo ang lahat ang linya sa salitang “niya”

baba.

its christmas break. and you know what that means :) endless party and unending yummy food which results into cute bellies and chubby faces. i dont know if its just me but i know a lot could relate to me.

BABA...BABA...BABA...baboy ako. grabe pag christmas break or kahit anong break. gusto ko magimpose ng competition sa mga kaibigan ko...PATABAAN OH!? ano ano? pero syempre joke lang yun. but i swear and i know i get fat when we have breaks. staying at home is not good. ironic? but yes. when all you can see is the same corners over and over again. you have nothing to do then a rumbling sound call onto you, you get hungry and you answer that call, you eat.

i call my home, my land of sweets. chocolates, cookies, milo and if im lucky ice cream in the freezer...ALL FOR FREE :) and if i want anything more, i ask the fairylooking God-given mother to give it to me or i tell the beast who turns into mom's prince charming to get me something good to eat. yes, when im at home its like a fairytale. am i hansel? or gretel?

BABA...BABA...BABA...batugan ako. i sleep late but i wake up early...early for dinner. today i woke up 2pm because i slept 4am. doing what? plants vs zombies. pag break nga naman oh. parang you have loads and lots of time. NOT. im graduating and time is gold. NOT. time should be used very wisely, but am i? HAHAHA NOT. i sleep i wake up and it repeats.

i dont really have time coz when i wake up, i have 1 hr munimuni on my bed, i look into the fridge. i think of what i should do...okay i get stuck. i just think but i dont do it.

BABA...BABA...BABA...baho ko na. i make my room messy, its like a jungle in here. oh in my closet? man!! FOREST. i dont know where to find my clothes from my bags from my shoes. HAHA its fun here. and since i just woke up, i just ate...im tatamad to take a bath. today i woke up 2pm ate lunch ng 330pm. ate merienda at 5pm and ate dinner 6:30pm...i took a bath :D yes hahaha i just took a bath and i brushed my teeth...

hmmmmm

BABA..BABA...BABA...BABAE ako. maniwala kayo sa hindi. babae ako, i just dont practice it like others does :)
i dont mind getting wounded, breaking a nail or getting dirty. i get roudy at times and i hang out with anyone or everyone.
i wish i was a guy but im fine im a girl :) i bully, i make fun of people and yet they love me still. thats how i love them more when they can stand the stench, the lousiness, the boyishness and the evilness that is me. but yes...i am a girl. i have the organs of a girl so i guess i am. i like guys still. so yeah. i am a girl

___________

just playing :D

Ngiti ng Payaso

walang malungkot, magiging malungkot pagkasama ako. kahit pa umiiyak ka na, i can definitely make you smile. Magaan ang loob ng mga bata sakin, kahit na nakakaloko ang aking itsura. madali sila maaliw sa kulit ng aking personalidad. bawat eksena na gawin ko siguradong magpapasaya sakanila, kaabang abang ang mga gagawin ko. it surprises them. nakikita nila akong masaya, at nagtataka pano maging ganun kasaya? madali lang sakin eh. at ipaparamdam ko sakanila kung gaano kadali yun! SMILE.
pag iniinis ka ng kalaro mo, SMILE.
okay lang ipaparamdam ko pa rin na pwede nila ako maging kaibigan at pag nangyari yun mas magiging masaya ang lahat. nakakatuwa ang mga mukha nila, sumasaya lalo ako pag nakangiti sila, nagaabang ng susunod kong gawin.

ngunit may ibang takot sakin.

hindi ko malaman kung pano ko nagagawa yun. hindi ko masabing emo ako pero ganon lang talaga pag nakita ko ang mga bata, makakalimutan ko ang lahat at pangingitiin sila.

habang suot ko ang maluwag kong damit, tatawa sila magtataka pano ako nagkasya dun. may rason, kelangan makagalaw akong mabuti. para maipakita ko ang skills at talentong maibabahagi ko sainyo. Onting joke dito, tawa kayong lahat. Onting asar sa kaibigan ko, tawa ulit kayo.

Bakas sa aking mukha ang kasiyahan na meron ang puso ko, na gusto kong ipamahagi sa inyo para lahat tayo masaya. pero bakas sa mata ko ang kalungkutan at gutom...gutom na gutom sa kasiyahan. gusto ko masaya ang lahat, ayaw ko kasing nakikita niyong malungkot ako, minsan na nga lang kayong masaya at priveleged na ako na ako ang nagpatawa at nagpangiti sainyo. Gutom na gutom ako para maging masaya, kasi sa loob may pinoproblema ako, may iniintindi pero dahil hindi ko magawang maging masaya, kayo na lang muna.

The great pretender

I sit here, quietly.
Blank as i stare into the window of soul
Silence...
a whisper kills the peace
I hear my heart pounding in anger
Still fists at rage.
Emotionless eyes to hide the inside.
You disgust me.
Look at me! Do you see? hear? feel?
Do you sense anything at all?
I spit on the ground you step on,
You're no better than me.
Play safe, never dare.
Oh what pity.
The facade breaks and falls down.
Walking away? because you can finally hear?
No voice coming out from you, you see.
A hypocrite, break your chest.
Show them who you are,
NOTHING, NOTHING INSIDE.
Insignificant, and futile.
Remove yourself from the history of mankind, as respect to those living.

You are not a friend, definitely not an enemy
you are the great pretender.

______
DIE

it works

for some reason things work out for me :) and i can say that its not luck. im just blessed

I walk in UST and its freaking hot. i say a little prayer
"Lord, ang init!"
tapos biglang dumilim ang sky!! WAAAAAAAAH scary! pero ang galing ni Lord. chiyeah

friends invite me to stay and have a couple of drinks. Biglaan. oh how my parents hate biglaan na plano its 5pm, and i have classes 6pm-9pm. so how does this work? 30mins later i find out the professor is not coming to class! Inuman na!

Eds invites me to a movie. but i have classes ng 3pm. I risk, i go watch. then...suspended classes

Varsi peops wants to go to ek, eh kakadating ko lang from hongkong. so feeling ko hindi ako papayagan. boom! pinayagan ako.
sarap! enjoy and fun

Today for some reason im happy. And out of no where, i find a want to sing the Happy birthday song. I was crossing the street in P. Noval and as manong tricycle finds his way out of the traffic jam, he sings happy birthday to you :) HAHA

I dont know why but it works for me. Thank you.

Hanggang saan

Kelan mo masasabi na kilala mo ang isang tao?

naiirita ako sa tanong na "Ano nga bang alam mo sakin?"

nagngingit ngit ako sa tanong na yan. Do you measure? do i need to enumerate? why will i think of the lil things and the big things that make me know who you are? is this a test? are you my teacher? do you want to be impressed?

Why do people ask these questions. May racing ba ng padamihan ng talagang nakakakilala sayo?

sino kalaban? sino ang kakompetensya?

I love challenges, but to compete and to gain that spot... to be the friend that knows you best? or at least be a friend that knows you?... its not what i aim for. Friendship is no status quo for me, its enough that you allowed me to enter your life and spend time with you. I dont need to get something back, i dont need a position.

You just ... i wish i could ban that question..

Wait for that moment when your at your highest happiest moment, loneliest lowest time, Watch for what your friend will do keep to keep you happy, and get a smile out of that face.

Knowing your story is not enough for me to know you,

its understanding where you're coming from and learning how you deal with everyday that makes the bond tougher.

so...Do not question.

***

Knowing is not enough, understanding is more than enough.

There are things.

There are things you dont need to limit, not need to measure and put a borderline to.

You dont ask why you just know. Sometimes its obvious so you dont have to say it to make any more obvious? You walk the streets because your tired of riding. You find sadness because your always happy. You hit somebody just for fun. Leaning forward to the person next to you when he brought out his phone to check if someone texted. You smile all of a sudden, for no reason at all. You stay in room because you want to. You're reading this when you have a lot more things to do.

There are things...you just do to make everyday different.

and its ok. take life less serious.

Proper introduction

Kung ikaw may bf/gf, dont lose your identity. he/she loved you for who you are and he/she should be ready to love who you will become.

Don't lose your identity, vice versa. Don't lose theirs.

Friend: Oi kamusta, pre?

BF: girlfriend ko si Melissa

MALI! kasi pagkatapos niyan kilala si tanya as girlfriend ni bf. dapat kilala siya as tanya

Friend: Pare, kamusta

BF: Pare, Melissa. Melissa, pare.

or

BF: Melissa, meet my friend pare.

hindi naman siguro stupid yung friend mo diba? para hindi magets. kung hindi niya magets

pag nagtanong si pare kung sino si melissa. dun mo sabihin na girlfriend mo.

panget makilala as "Uy! ikaw yung girlfriend ni ganyan" nawawalan ka ng identity.

When you’re in a shit hole

Have you ever experienced sitting in class and being quiet? When in reality you’re not that type of person. You’re not quiet, you’re usually the one making noise. The one that the teacher hushes during classes. Well it happened to me. That’s when I started thinking…

You get into high school or college and you find your “comfort zone” among the many faces in the crowd. But you have to be careful for those faces can turn to evil glares when you turn your back. Sometimes this jolly person you see, is the number back stabber you’ll ever meet. The person in the group who hangs on to anyone just to stay in the group wouldn’t be there for too long. The bossy will always be shut out. But those who learn to keep things to themselves and does not mind who they are with, will stay. Not necessarily the same crowd but they will stay. It’s hard to find strong friends, strong enough to take in the foul stench of your being.

I’m barely close with anybody because I don’t think I don’t have to be close with everybody. I’m a person hard to understand. That’s why only a few really know me. I’m not complaining, I’m informing. I always loved small circle of friends, it was always better that way. But my perky stature in the society draws in friends, and I can’t help but talk to them. Sometimes you need a breather from the same crowd, you want and find something new. I think this time, ill be thinking about myself. Putting me at the top of my priority list. I’ll think of pleasing myself and making me happy. I always cared for others, and I know I did my part already. Change is a very strong word, and if I do change for this, as long as I’m happy, I won’t change back. I can’t take back what has been lost, I can’t take back what has happened. I’ll just keep moving forward, and whoever stays with me in my journey of life, well I’m thankful and blessed to have you aboard.

Everybody has their shitty days.

Warning: Keep distance

sa kalye maraming signs diba? no u-turn, no left turn, one way, pedxing, no parking. ah basta madami sila. habang nakasakay sa jeep papuntang UST napansin ko ang isang truck na may nakasabit na sign na "Warning: Keep Distance"...

...natulala ako hanggang naramdaman kong magvibrate ang cellphone ko...

bakit kaya ang signs sa buhay natin narerealize lang natin pag nadaanan na?

kung kelan may iba na siya, dun mo malalaman na may gusto pala talaga siya sayo noon kaya pala may moby na iniaabot sayo pag nagkikita kayo

bawat "kamusta?" ng kaibigan mo, may ibig sabihin pa palang mas malalim yun na narealize mo lang nung may umiiyak na.

nung natapos ang kanta nung nagvivideoke dun mo nalaman na nakatingin pala siya sayo, ang kulit mo kasi kung kanikanino ka nakikipagdaldalan

sa bawat sign na madaanan pansin mo may napagiiwanan? hindi lang ikaw ang apektado.

sana lahat ng makikipagfriends sakin alam kung anong pinapasok nilang friendship sa isang tulad ko. haay nako may pagkaweird ako at kung ano ano ang pinag gagawa. masasabi kong ang mga kaibigan kong tumatagal sa kaweirdohan ko ay treasures ko. bihira ang tulad nila kasi kahit nakita na nila ang signboard na nakatatak sa noo ko "warning: keep distance" nandun pa rin sila. they dare stay and be with me. or baka hindi pa nila nakikita yung warning? LOLS

I love you my only bestfriends (jamie, kristine, leyl and lilet), my mom, bebe bros (robin, bodeem rich and zach), ang aking tumatandang childhoodfriends (ricco, luigi, kelby), at ang jomars (josemarie at josemargo) ng buhay ko.

You are my treasures.

Agawan base

pinapanuod ko ang dalawa habang natutuwa at nagkakantsawan...

makakarating ang isa ng 4 na hakbang kalayo sa base nung isa, pero makakatakbo ang bantay at tuluyan susugod sa base ng kalaban.

...

A: hindi mo naman kaya iwanan at irisk ang base mo para habulin ako

B: KAYA! ikaw naman lagi kang nagiisip kaya pigil ang galaw mo

A: at least nagiisip, di katulad mo na sugod lang ng sugod. walang pakielam kahit madapa

B: ok lang madapa! kasama yun sa pag sugod. at least sinubukan ko

A: sinubukan mo kaso walang nangyari.

dumating na sa punto na naging seryoso sila, wala ng tawanan, wala ng ngiti.

ang dalawang base hindi pwede maiwanan, kelangan ipaglaban.

hindi pwedeng hayaan na walang nagbabantay, kundi maagawan.

kelangan marunong ka magrisk, kelangan marunong ka magisip.

hindi pwedeng sugod lang ng sugod, malayo nga ang nahakbang wala naman napala.

hindi rin pwedeng grabe magisip, baka hanggang isang hakbang lang ang mangyari.

kapag nakuha ng isa ang base ng aagawan, tapos ang laro. meron ng panalo.

nakikipalaro ng agawan base ang utak at puso ko sa magiging desisyon ng araw araw ko.

sweetheart

kinailangan kong lumayo sayo, pero hindi ko makakayanan ang desisyong ito.

ayokong isipin at tanggapin ang buhay pag wala ka na.

I know you wont, you cant be there for me till i grow old. kaya ngayon pa lang hinahanda ko na ang puso ko para sa panahon na iyon. pag wala ka na...

pag nakikita kita lagi kitang lalapitan kasi its you who makes me feel the happiest.

ngayon pag nandyan ka na parang gusto ko na lang umiyak at isipin kelan ka ba magiging akin ng tuluyan

pag namromroblema ako, sigurado akong kaya mo ko pangitiin at gawing masaya pero kelangan ko na magisip ng papalit sayo kaso mahirap, kasi nagiisa ka.

walang kasing lambing at 'sing tamis ng iyong pagmamahal. kaya bawat tao na makita kong masaya na nakakasama ka untiunti akong namamatay...kasi dapat AKO, ako ang may hawak sayo.

nanghihina ako ngayon. hindi makakain ng maayos dahil wala ka na.

pilit kong gusto maging manhid, para hindi mo na ako maakit.

hindi ko pa rin matanggap. pero nandito ako, desisyon ko toh. para sa ikabubuti din natin toh.

i miss you.

(no sweets for a week)