patak

tumutulo ang tubig sa gripo at di ko mapigilan. wala akong ibang magawa kundi saluhin.

patak. patak. nakikita ko ang sarili sa na namumuong tubig. patak. mawawala ang imahe ko. hindi ako makatulog sa katahimikan ng gabi. rinig na rinig mong pumapatak. patak. pero sa paulit ulit para na siyang lullaby na nilalambing ako patulog. patak. nagising sa gitna ng gabi iniisip bakit ako nagigising sayo. isang hugis, walang kulay, boring mong tunog. patak patak.

nagkwento ka ng nararamdaman mo. wala akong ibang magawa kundi makinig. patak. minsan nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa kinalalagyan mo. pero nawawala yun kung paano mo harapin ang problema mo. patak. patak. hindi ako makatulog iniisip kung ok ka lang. ramdam kong nahihirapan ka. patak. kung umiiyak ka man makakatulog ka kasi mapapagod ka. patak. biglang magigising ako mapapaginipan kita, bakit lagi kitang iniisip? patak. ikaw na dati ko ng alam na boring kausap. patak. nakakaiyak andito nanaman tayo sa senaryong ito. patak patak.

asado siopao

sana nahahawakan ang luha para mas kaya kong kontrolin
kung kelan ko hahayaan pumatak sa sahig, kung kelan ko dapat itago muna
pero may rason kung bakit hindi mo buong buo macontrol ang pagpatak ng luha sa mga mata
kasi hindi mo madadaya na mapakita kung kelan tuwang tuwa ka na at kelan nalulungkot ka na talaga.

isang araw bago ang gabi para sa mga aalis....
Nicolai: ehhhh ayoko na, naiiyak na ako. iyakin pa naman ako
Lester: anong iyakin? HINDI NGA EH. diba hindi ka umiiyak pag kakabreak lang
Nicolai: hindi naman kasi kaiyakiyak yun, feeling ko manhid tlga ako sa mga bagay na ganun. eh eto mga ganito naiiyak ako...

umupo ako sa nagiisang upuan sa stage, kinuha ang mic pero bago ako magsimula magsalita tinignan ko sila...tinignan ko yung mga mukhang nagpasaya sakin, nagpahirap sa buhay ko, mga mukhang gusto ko lagi kong nakikitang nakangiti...hmmmm hinga malalim. patago kong kinagat ko yung dila ko..

hindi ko alam sasabihin ko sakanila, kasi ayoko pa umalis. ayokong isipin nila na iiwan ko sila. kung wala lang expiration date ang pagstay edi kasama ko pa rin sila. bakit kasi nauna ako ng isang batch. bakit ang bigat bigat sa loob, kakaiba tong upuan toh mapapaupo ka talaga, itong mic naman para mapalakas ang boses kasi wala ka tlga masasabi...anak ng puta oh.

"hi guys, are you still awake. hello hello" ang energetic na ako ang nagsalita. tangina naman eh ang hirap ilabas ng nararamdaman ko...ang hirap. buti na lang may speech ako na prepare kahit papano sa mga medyo naging close ko, kasi kung wala malamang umiiyak na lang ako sa stage...
matapos ko bigyan ng speech yung 15+ na yun...natira na lang ang 3 taong pinaka malapit sa puso ko sa varsi, sa photogs section....si josa, si lester at si paul...

dun ko lang naramdaman na posible pala bumigat ang labi. pano pa kaya si angelina jolie na may malaking labi? (sumisigaw ng mommy!!! ang puso ko) hinayaan ko na, buhos na gripo na kung gripo.

hindi naman kasi bawal umiyak. wala naman nagsabi na wag ako umiyak.

josa, beb. naging close tayo dahil we HAD something in common. you're one tough beautiful girl, soon to be a lady. ngayon na mag-18 ka na be responsible of your actions. kung pwede lang wag ka muna magkaboyfriend tapusin mo muna pag-aaral mo. hindi ko akalain magiging close tayo dahil sa kung ano nangyari before, kilala na nga natin ang isat isa, nagkatinginan na tayo pero hindi pa ikaw si beb nun. you'll be happy even without a guy, college is the time for friends and to build who you are. ibibigay ang puso sa taong mahal mo, alagaan mo toh. kasi you're heart is one treasure, you deserve someone who will love you and make you feel proud to be you.
beautiful and talented, beb you are blessed with these two things. I love you so much, ill miss you. kwekwentuhan pa rin kita tungkol sa mga dumadating at pumapapel na lalaki sa buhay ko...hayaan mo kong takbuhan kita ha? onti lang kasi kayong tinatakbuhan ko eh. (yakaaap)

DYI!!! ang nagiisa at natitira kong kabatch. kahit ang bagal bagal mo kumain, kahit puro sorry ang naririnig ko pag may nakakalimutan ka, kahit ang bi mo sakin sa pag yosi (joke lang) tinitiis kita kasi ikaw si DYI eh :) sabi mo nung gabing naginuman tayo sa caylabne mahal mo ko mahal mo ko dyi soooper love din kita...imagine isang text mo lang na bitch yung taga science nung pautakan nagcut ako para syo ayokong binubully at binibitch kayo...mamimiss ko yun. tayo na lang ang magkabatch, mawawala pa ako. sorry....hindi naman kita iiwan eh, aalis lang ako ng V pero babalik pa rin ako sainyo. tayong tatlo pa rin ang magkabatch matibay na bond yun. dyi? wag ka iiyak...Thank you kasi ikaw ang naging kabatch ko, thankful kasi 3 lang tayo. sorry ulit. uulitin ko mahal kita. ill miss you my dear batchmate.

Paul, you suck talaga as my editor. and yes you said it you are not a good leader because you're one selfish person. hindi naman kelangan ikaw lahat magcover eh, pwede ishare. gumawa ka ng systema mo, you bring others up as you become great because thats the only way to be greater. Alam mo ba na you're one of the grave reasons why i wanted to leave varsi? me being there and you staying there is making me feel hate more which means more stress for me. my last year in varsi sucked big time because of you...you made my last year not enjoyable...wag ka magalala di na kita mumurahin. hindi ko kaya. i said you're one of the reasons why i wanted to quit, but also one of the reasons why i stayed. magpapatalo ba ako sa isang tulad mo? syempre hindi. you're one of my closest friend. in fact you're the one who got me here. kahit gago ka, kahit user kang friend, kahit nagaway tayo, kahit nagkaissue...i look beyond that coz you are my friend. mamaw? Thank you for making me be a part of this family. thank you for making me feel sucky because it made me strive better. i hate you, but i also love you mamaw. ill always be your friend, ill always be here when you need me.


....magang maga ang mata ko...pulang pula mukha ko .... asado siopao anyone?

Psssst, Papa

psssst papa

hindi mo kelangan sumagot makinig ka lang

masaya naman ako ngayon, pero pag naaalala kita naglalaro na yung emotion ko. para bang nagtutug of war sa iiyak o masaya. kung hahayaan ko bang tumulo luha ko or tatandaan na lang ang pagpapatawa mo. bakit ka ba nawala? pamacho ka pa kasi eh...ayaw mo kami magworry, gets ko na yun. pero para saan pa ang pamilya kung hindi kami magwoworry? natural lang naman yun samin eh...we love you

huuuuy...paps.

idol kita, alam ko alam mo yun. mana ako sayo eh...nakakainis nga pati pamacho mo namana ko eh. tulad mo mas naglalabas ka ng takot, ng kaba, ng pangamba sa mga kaibagan mo...PAPA naman eh.

nasasaktan ako ngayon...ayoko yung nakikita ko. ayoko yung nangyayari...pero sabi mo nga i was placed here for a reason. nung iba nagsabi nun parang yada yada lang nila eh, nung ikaw nagsabi tumatak sa puso ko eh.

paps, i hope i made you proud. i really wish you were there nung graduation ko...

namimiss lang kta, namimiss pa rin kita. hindi ako makagetover pa rin. sa totoo lang hindi ko pa rin tanggap. nagtatago ka lang ba? tinetest mo ba kami?

kung asan ka man alagaan mo sarili mo ah, wag pa macho. pwede humingi ng tulong, pwede maglabas ng sama ng loob.

I love you, papa.

nagkataon

naguusap tungkol sa girls ang mga kapatid ko, hanggang sa napunta sila sa usapang qualities, hanggang tanungin nila ako ano ang gusto ko sa isang lalaki.
sabi nung isa "ahhh chinese gusto ni ate"
nagkataon lang naman na magkasunod na chinese ang ex ko pero hindi ako mahilig sa chinese. mahilig ako sa chinito. pero hindi necessarily chinese.
sabi naman nung isa pa "photographer"
nagkataon lang din na photog din ang lumandi ulit sakin
pero yun napaisip ako sa pagkakataon na ito, ano nga ba ang type ko sa isang lalaki?

physical:
1. kelangan mas matangkad sakin (improve the clan!!)
2. hindi pwede payat,hindi pwedeng mataba. sakto lang
3. athletic, requirement ata sa pamilya namin ang marunong magbasketball
4. mukhang maangas na sweet (labo) or mabait na lokoloko ng onti
5. mabango kilikili :)
6. ayoko ng mahaba buhok, kalbo or short hair
7. ayoko sa mas maitim pa sa kapatid kong si rich at bodee.
8. huggable
9. hindi jologs magbihis (ok lang yung maporma ok lang din yung shirt and jeans)
10. at higit sa lahat, maganda ang mata ( hmmmm :) )

mental:
1. yung kaya ako, hindi yung kinakaya ko PARATI
2. yung kaya tanggapin yung pagmamahal ko na akala ng marami sobra. dapat ang pano ba? hmmm dapat ang jar of love niya ready pag umapaw o-ha o-ha
3. knows how to see problems in different views
4. ok lang seloso ng onti :)
5. game sa mga bagay na gusto ko ng gawin (travel, crazy things, ewan, spontaneity)
6. marunong tumahimik, marunong mag ingay
7. lets me and helps me
8. will accept my randomness, and weirdness and hyperness
9. is ready for my moody attacks (pms)
10. Sweet :) i love surprises

emotion/feelings/attitudes:
1. loves himself, so that he can love me
2. thinks, sometimes its okay to think :)
3. knows how to talk and let his feelings out
4. knows how to decide, and knows how to face consequences
5. can listen and pay attention (boys have short attentions spans)
6. knows how to say no, because im a yes person
7. medyo masungit sa iba except me and my family
8. thanks God im alive, and that he has me (awwww? pa cheezy)
9. Malambing kasi ako hindi malambing masyado, im learning
10. ako yung weakness niya

Spiritual:
1. fears God
2. loves God
3. knows God
4. walks with God
5. faithful

ewan madami pa siguro pero yan. yan lang muna ngayon. meron ganyan tao, alam ko meron.
kasi siya na yun pag nagkataon. YIKEEE

Agawan base

pinapanuod ko ang dalawa habang natutuwa at nagkakantsawan...

makakarating ang isa ng 4 na hakbang kalayo sa base nung isa, pero makakatakbo ang bantay at tuluyan susugod sa base ng kalaban.

...

A: hindi mo naman kaya iwanan at irisk ang base mo para habulin ako

B: KAYA! ikaw naman lagi kang nagiisip kaya pigil ang galaw mo

A: at least nagiisip, di katulad mo na sugod lang ng sugod. walang pakielam kahit madapa

B: ok lang madapa! kasama yun sa pag sugod. at least sinubukan ko

A: sinubukan mo kaso walang nangyari.

dumating na sa punto na naging seryoso sila, wala ng tawanan, wala ng ngiti.

ang dalawang base hindi pwede maiwanan, kelangan ipaglaban.

hindi pwedeng hayaan na walang nagbabantay, kundi maagawan.

kelangan marunong ka magrisk, kelangan marunong ka magisip.

hindi pwedeng sugod lang ng sugod, malayo nga ang nahakbang wala naman napala.

hindi rin pwedeng grabe magisip, baka hanggang isang hakbang lang ang mangyari.

kapag nakuha ng isa ang base ng aagawan, tapos ang laro. meron ng panalo.

nakikipalaro ng agawan base ang utak at puso ko sa magiging desisyon ng araw araw ko.

Sana

I was sitting in the café, thinking very deeply what to say. And finally when I was composing the speech, the novela building up in my mind, he steps in the room and sits in front of me…

A simple exchange of greeting, an offer for a cup of coffee.

He smiles, holds my hand. I just couldn’t take any more of his sweetness

He’s just too perfect…but…

I slowly drew back my hand to myself and words were just fleeting out of my mouth. One by one

“I know you like me, but you don’t want me…”

he sat back and laid himself cozily on the chair. He knew this was going to be a speech. I continued…

“I’m not asking for any label to be put on us, but I have to put an end to the joy and misery when I’m with you. I make you happy, I know. I also know its not enough. I’m not what you’re looking for everyday, and I don’t think I have to be.”

His mind looks so puzzled, I began to be puzzled too..

“I love you (words were literally flying off) and I don’t know if that’s the way you feel.”

He was about to utter something, but I stopped him. I just had to finish this monologue

“Every time I see you online, when you send me a text message. Especially when its unexpected. Because shamefully I wait for your text. When you comment on my posts. When I see you across the street, when your far and you see me, you smile…its just as if my knees want to beg down the floor and ask you to come to me…I get weak. I just cant help it. my heart throttles…then I snap back to reality. You were never mine, you were yourselfs. you don’t need me, anyone could be in my place...my role in your life is easy…to make you smile everyday. To reassure you that you have me. Anybody would want to be in my place, I can be replaced easily.”

he leans forward, looks at me intently and says, “what’s your point?”

I asked myself what is my point? What is MY POINT…

“My point is…I want to break up with you, before you break up with me”

and to top this dramatic scene, a walk out. I stood up, walked right out of the door and continued to walk…and walk and then I said to myself. “what the f*ck was I doing?”

I was walking and walking. A headache was coming up, such a drama queen I am…then I heard a voice calling out to me…I didn’t turn my back.. I had to be firm with my walk out and I didn’t want to make this any cheesier…he grabbed my hand and said

“you did not pay your bill”

I was in RAGE…I was digging through my bag. Looking for my wallet. I was crying already. If there was such thing as tears falling like its raining cats and dogs. I think I was. I was so pissed he followed me for that? Argh.. I found my wallet, I opened it was taking out the money … then he hugged me.

He whispered “You always knew what to say. Thank you, I love you too. Good bye for now” a smile, wiped my tears he continued “you’re strong, one thing I loved about you” a smirk on his face…then he left

What a scene, what drama this was. There was still a happy ending.

Till we meet again, good sir

Ideal is not so ideal after all

What is your ideal man? tanong sakin ng isang kaibigan. pero never ko nasagot ng derecho. andami ko kasing gusto at alam kong hindi ko makukuha ang ideal man ko :) it doesnt have to be that way. God has better plans ika-nga

when i was still on the verge of being in love. the man who stood beside me, is my man. not ideal but he is my man. enough said. sometimes the man who is beside you, loving and loving you is better than your ideal man. kaya tsh ideal ideal PWEH