A tour of the unseen

A week ago i was in Bangkok, Thailand both for pleasure and for business. After two days of shopping, my mom treated herself and i to a tour. the night before the tour we had our outfits prepared, almost identical but not so :)

First off, Floating market :) i've always seen pictures of this place and being there in the boat, in the market was AAAAAHHH i felt like i was riding a national geographic roller coaster ride. Everyone was in a boat, even stores on a boat. It was literally a floating market. You have people selling fruits, clothes, bags, accessories, and even grilled food! how yummy is that. i was enjoying the chaos, the bump to bump of our boat to another, the water, the noise, other tourists enjoying, people trying to bargain. I wish i could grasp the feeling but I was having a good time just looking. But we reached a corner where they were making stalls beside the river, it was so quiet so fixed...it wasnt really appealing to me. Even one of the passengers in our boat said "its better when its noisy." My boat ride ended with me having a bbq :)

Originally after the floating market, we were supposed to be in the Grand Palace. Instead we got a side trip at the elephant village. It was nice seeing a herd of elephants walking around me. i felt like i was a fan of elephants, i mean i only see them in books and tv so to see them face to face is like "yipeee!" My mom bought a basket of bananas to feed this gentle beasts but she kept shouting terrified and excited haha when it was my turn i got a little rattled too but i got the hang of it. There snout is really slimy. Fun!

Another side trip was the handicrafts factory. I know we have this in the Philippines but i never got to see it. Walking around seeing the artist do their thing, cant help but smile. They were so damn good in what they do. Such art and what mans hands can do. but i got bored easily there.

The grand finale, the Grand Palace :) Oh what beauty of architecture and culture. Thanks to our tour guide, Christie i got a quick background of the place but i didn't listen that much because i couldn't understand her well. The gold paint, the details the colors, the temples, the statues, the respect, the prestige. wow. the most beautiful temple among all was the temple of the emerald buddha. so sparkly, royal. i sat there and just marveled at the place.

As i sat there, i thought of Jesus. slowly i realized that in the 3 stops it was all about Him. The difference between the chaotic floating market, and the soon-to-float commercialized floating market made me see more the beauty in a mess. We are a mess but He still finds us beautiful despite all the shit that we've been into. Holding the rough dry skin of the elephant was a reminder that He is God, how great He is to have in mind to create such creature. Ang galing eh. The hands of a handicrafts man creating this image from a block of wood with such imagination, this was a man what more God's creation? Looking around the temple of the emerald buddha made me want to cry...all of this gold, the effort of preservation, the respect, honor and love the people had for a non-living god compared to what man did to Jesus when he was here, they spit, hit, made fun of Him, and killed him. What did buddha do to deserve this treatment? what did Jesus do to deserve this from man?

It was a tour of the unseen, a tour of display of what God really wants me to see.

it works

for some reason things work out for me :) and i can say that its not luck. im just blessed

I walk in UST and its freaking hot. i say a little prayer
"Lord, ang init!"
tapos biglang dumilim ang sky!! WAAAAAAAAH scary! pero ang galing ni Lord. chiyeah

friends invite me to stay and have a couple of drinks. Biglaan. oh how my parents hate biglaan na plano its 5pm, and i have classes 6pm-9pm. so how does this work? 30mins later i find out the professor is not coming to class! Inuman na!

Eds invites me to a movie. but i have classes ng 3pm. I risk, i go watch. then...suspended classes

Varsi peops wants to go to ek, eh kakadating ko lang from hongkong. so feeling ko hindi ako papayagan. boom! pinayagan ako.
sarap! enjoy and fun

Today for some reason im happy. And out of no where, i find a want to sing the Happy birthday song. I was crossing the street in P. Noval and as manong tricycle finds his way out of the traffic jam, he sings happy birthday to you :) HAHA

I dont know why but it works for me. Thank you.

regret

because of that question i got myself thinking for 3days now



i have had quite a number of relationships. some of them just flings but never the less didn't just play around. i took the chance, the risk with my whole heart and never regretted anything.
until last tuesday...

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST REGRET..
i was thinking and thinking...wala naman...then thinking and thinking...ok nagiisip ako meaning meron...thinking and thinking... WHY? ... think...
WHY!
yun na yun
I DIDNT ASK WHY

i had 4 boyfriends and quite a number of flings? ok madaming flings fine. when they all left me..i never bothered to ask WHY.

Grade 6.: Together for 4 months, i think. it was a puppy love text thing and good lunches together :) it was cute. Months passed, i felt something wrong :) i was all giggly about it because I knew before hand. i had that sneaky feeling, i was a kid...i barely call this a relationship (now). so there, he called me and told me he's been thinking about this girl lately..i giggled because i knew it wasnt me.. he got kinda pissed so i tried to stop the giggling. Then he told me he liked my good friend dyan, and i said "go! crush ka din nun eh" it was that easy.
but i never asked why her not me

2nd yr HS: My loves for 3 months. i broke a lot of hearts when the world knew i have him, i had 4 suitors then. it was unexpected. it was all of a sudden, it was him and me, it was us. it was a funny relationship. this was a chat, talk, eat thing and sweet see you laters. it was summer time, and if you're a student hiding a relationship summer time was just the hardest. i missed him but...i knew he didn't. we got to talk over the phone. i tried to lambing him but im not really good at that hahaha. (fastforward: back to school) i called him using my cellphone (to their landline he didnt have a cellphone) i asked how he was and all then
he asked "gusto mo pa ba?"i said "ng?" "eto,tayo. gusto mo pa ba ituloy" "ahhh ikaw magdecide" "ehhh ikaw babae ikaw dapat nagdedecide" "sino ba nagsabi na babae dapat magdecide? Go." "wag na lang?" "okay" "okay ka lang?" "yup" "ah cge bye" (drop call) then i found myself singing...IM FREE, FREE. IM FREEEEE yeah.
now, i think. i never asked why it was all of a sudden

4th yr hs: highschool sweethearts for 2 years and 5months. i love listening to problems, he had a lot. i listened. he talked and wept and smiled. i looked at him and thought about it. his heart was pure and all he needed was someone who will accept him and be there for him, little did i know, ill play that part. from his broken heart we started to be friends, then i became his girlfriend. lesson learned: its not my role to mend a broken heart, because i can never patch things that he lost with the other...i didnt hear from him for a month...it was over...then he called...not directly saying it but he wanted me to wait for him til he finds himself. again not my role to play. I said "thank you at least now i know" thats all that mattered to me, to hear him talk...well he didnt say it directly but knowing him i understood.

but i never asked why he didnt contact me for a month.

4th yr college: my source of happiness for 3months. we just clicked, he was adventurous, a thrill seeker, fun, game, mature... he was somewhat like me. it was all so fast. i didnt even see it coming. it was a rollercoaster ride, and oh how i love roller coaster rides. i knew we can deal with anything...hindi pala. I can deal with anything...he couldnt. He was strong, but his heart for me was weak...i understood where he was coming from. it was normal, and i somehow expected the break up but didnt really embraced the thought. mind over matter, but i loved him...it was heart over matter...or maybe it was denial...1 cold week...then my hatest words came out from his mouth "ayaw ko na"...i understood and accepted.

i listened to solemn music and thought "WHY?"

im a hopeless romantic. when it comes to love i never ask why.

why? because i knew them well and i never wasted any moment.

it was a good run... :)

(but i still regret it haha)

si anne at si crus

TADHANA

bago kong datemate si crus, nung kelan lang siya dumating dito sa aming dormitoryo. at sa lahat ng bago, nagulat ako na natripan niyang maging drogista tulad ko. astig din kasi siya, walang pakielam sa mundo. tulad ko may takbo ang buhay niya, minsan nga lang hindi namin alam pareho kung saan papunta. eh masaya, high na kami pareho.

pero unang kilala ko pa lang sakanya alam kong hindi siya tatagal sa dorm namin. kasi di niya trip ang mga kasama. at hindi siya bagay dito. kung ako nga nagbabalak ng umalis eh...

masarap siya kausap, mapayosi man o jutes. may sense..kaso habang tumatagal madalas nawawala na siya sa mga sinasabi niya. tinatamaan na ata, delikado.

bata, dahandahan sa pagsindi, paghithit. hindi mo alam ang pinapasok mo. sabi niya "i somehow know" yes nagenglish siya...sabay pahabol na "i love you" ayun tinamaan na nga. masyadong high na tong datemate ko. pero dahil high din ako "i love you too" gago ko din eh pero kasi masaya.

pero alam kong baliwala yon, kaya hinahantay ko ang araw na mawala ang tama niya. na magising siya, kasi alam kong hindi totoo. dala lang ng kasiyahan ng jutes ang lahat.

dun lang kami sa bubong masaya, kung saan kami tinatamaan...pag kaharap na namin ang mga kadorm todo ngiti kasi high na haha

ng tumagal nakaramdam ako ng hirap, nahihirapan para sakanya. alam kong may amats na siya hindi sakin kung hindi sa jutes...may problema ata siyang gustong limutin...jutes pa!! pero mali.. maling mali...maling ginagawang escape ang bisyo.

"ahhhh wag niyo pansinin si anne, may tama lang siya" matatawa na lang ako

gising. tinatamaan na ata ako kay crus. tira. nagisip ng mabuti...kabog ng puso. saan? ... o kanino? may tama. shhhhhhhh excuse ko lang ang pagiging high... wala kasi akong lakas ipakita ang tunay kong nararamdaman.

...

hindi magkasabay ang ulan at iyong nararamdaman. ginugulo ka lang ng iyong isipan, wag mo lagyan ng ibig sabihin ang lahat.

...

sumunod na buwan. umalis siya sa dormitortyo, nagising na si datemate at nakita ang realidad. sabi na nga ba hindi niya nakayanan...

eto ang pagkakaiba ko kay crus. alam ko ang realidad, sa tama ng jutes.

paalam crus! maraming salamat sa panandaliang saya na dinala mo sa akin.

magingat ka. welcome to the real world! magpakatatag ka...madami pang problema ang darating. masarap pero mahirap na kaibigan ang mga bisyo. hinay hinay.

walang halong jutes...I love you, pre.

-anne