losing the inspiration

i've been wanting to write again but i couldn't. no inspiration? im really not sure.
i find it lame when people tell me they need inspiration to write, to dance, to perform or to do whatever. Lame because they depend on other things to get them on the go. or maybe lame because they knew Edgar Allan Poe had to drink first before he writes? The norms of this world build who you are. but should it be that way?

Can losing the inspiration be the inspiration? yes, and only some could find the sense in it. It can be the drive for you to write again, dance, or just wake up everyday. the feeling of having no soul, makes you want to have a soul. and it is your journey to get that want. for the emptiness inside is never filled by another, but it is filled by self. others only patch the hole that defines your emptiness, they can only pacify but never satisfy.

find the beauty in the mess, it is a world not everyone is willing to explore. they look at the mess and just see it as is. thats why they hate it, why they always want to get away, to escape from. maybe finding the beauty in the mess brings peace in self. there just agitated because they are not in their comfort zone. but how can it be a comfort zone if you're not willing to make it one?

i could lead this entry to the norms and how i hate and love them. but i feel i've reached my point. losing the inspiration is my inspiration.

PINK

PINK

i was always pink ranger in go go power rangers and let my younger girl cousins have yellow.

my hello kitty collection was all pink. i always thought the blue one was weird.

my first toys were pig stuffed toys, and guess what? they were pink!

i had a pink p.e. uniform during kindergarten which was my super favorite. it was a skort? skirt and shorts and it was pink.

to top my kindergarten life, i graduated in a pink toga :)

when i graduated college i had a pink ribbon on my dress.

PINK PINK PINK. i always had pink in my life, i grew up pink.

so why did i hate it?...

because everyone else wanted pink. and i never wanted to be like everyone else.

this is what you call setting your own norms.

i don't have to go with the flow of this world, id rather go against it.

its... much more fun, more thrills. takes a good and courageous heart to go for it.

but i wont neglect that im still a part of this world, id still wear pink.

i hate pink, im sorry.

i dont like to be everyone else, im sorry.

expiration date

pagbukas ko ng kabinet sa pantry. napa-wow na lang ako sa sobrang dami ng laman. canned goods, chips, candy lahat andun. tinitgnan ko ang isa isa inaalala ko ang lasa ng mga natikman ko na, iniisip ko kung ano lasa kung hindi ko pa natry. may mga familiar na tatak pero hindi ko pa talaga natitikman. may moby dun na isa sa mga local favorite ko, na kahit hindi ko siya nakakain parati pero pag natakam ako never fails to satisfy me. ayun biglang may cheetos, ang aking happy food. hindi ako machichirya pero pagdating sa dalawang toh, hmmmm ang sarap eh. tumingin ako sa kanan andun ang spam, corned beef. sa kabila naman ang mga cup noodles. sa dami ng pagkain hindi ko sila makain lahat, kahit matikman. kilala ko lang sila dahil sa tatak, sa packaging. yung iba kilalang kilala ko na kasi may long term customer relationship na ako dun haha :)

sa sobrang lula ko sa mga pagkain sa kabinet binuksan ko ang ref. kumuha ako ng yakult at habang naka kagat ako sa may opening niya nakita ko ang expiration date...
29 march 2010

swabe lang talaga.
pagpasok ko ng ab ulit kahapon. madaming familiar faces, madami din ako nakasama at naging kaibigan. tingin sa kanan sa kaliwa andun sila mga kasama kong aalis at mga maiiwan pa ng ilang taon. mabuti na lang at madami akong naging kaibigan sa ibat ibang batch mapaibang courses sa loob at labas ng ab. masasabing may good friendship na rin siguro kami ng mga ito.
march 29, 2010 is my expiration date in UST because after that i will have me.
a new me, cheers to the future me.

sarili

tatakbo uupo gugulo ang buhok titingin iiling tatawa ngingiti
hindi ko alam saan pupunta ang layo ng tinatakbo niya
hahabulin ang hininga hahawakan ang ulo di malaman ang gagawin niya
andaming tumatakbo sa isipan dahil hindi pa kayang mamili sa iilan
hawak hawak ang kanyang mga braso nilalamig sa kalaliman ng gabi
hindi na niya maramdaman nawawala na ang tamis ng alaala
uupo sa gitna ng kalsada titignan ang kapiligiran
hmmm wala naman talaga siyang hinahabol kundi sarili niya.
maglalakad itutuloy ang paghahanap pero saan nga ba papunta?
parepareho nating hinahanap ang taong mamahalin natin
pareparehong andito pa rin tayo lahat naghahanap
pero sa katotohanan ang taong mamahalin ay andiyan lamang
..at yun ay ikaw.